That moment when you realize Dr. Huggins isn't full of hot air

For anyone that's ever taken an ethics class, you've probably covered to some degree the phenomena of "Women in [insert chosen field here]". When I encountered this unit in The Computing Professional with Dr. Huggins, I really though the discrimination he was talking about was bull. I had worked for two years in a CS field and had had no issues with it whatsoever, even in my office where I'm one of four women. I had thought that we as a society of computer scientists had moved past the stone age where women were excluded, treated differently, scorned.

I was wrong.

This past week was a hectic week at work. In between the ridiculous amount of projects I've been working on, I'm also trying to get my thesis further along. So, needless to say, I was pretty stressed out in general. My thesis adviser hadn't been sleeping (in favor of getting a brief done), so I had to give him a lecture about getting adequate amounts of sleep. I'm a bit of a mother bear at times, and he clearly wasn't feeling up to snuff, so someone had to say something. When I was recounting this story to our coworker, someone came up to the cube and made a comment to the effect of  "You kept your thesis adviser up until two a.m.?" and then busted out laughing.

As I said, it was a hectic week, and me being me, the implications of that kind of went over my head. The person who I was talking to, though, caught on pretty quickly, commenting "I'm not going to touch that with a ten foot pole, not after last night's Game of Thrones," and continuing on about some form of incest that occurred in the show.

By the time he had finished his show recap, I recognized the fact that my coworker had attempted to make a dirty joke. Which, while somewhat annoying, was in the past and I felt like it was best kept there. No harm, no foul.

However, it came up again. A couple days later, someone made another dirty joke concerning me, and the person who made the original joke felt the need to recap his.

I kind of snapped. I told them (in my serious voice) to cut it out, that they were acting like 13 year-olds and were being extremely immature. And then I walked out of the office, trying not to cry until I hit the bathroom.

I had never expected something like this to happen. The fact that I was a girl never came up before at work, other than someone saying that I remind them of their little sister. It really irks me that it's coming up now.
Yes, I am a twenty year old girl. That doesn't mean that I should be treated any differently as a person at my work. My job performance is not determined by my gender.

The people have since apologized, so I don't want to make a big deal out of it. But the fact that it came up in the first place has made me think a lot.

CNN recently ran an article about the "bro-grammer" culture that has recently pervaded the computer science sphere. I initially dismissed this, as I did Dr. Huggins remarks about women in the workplace, as crap. Now, though, I wonder how being a female in a male dominated field is going to affect me. Will I just have to put up with distasteful jokes, or will there be more? Will my work be questioned more because I'm a girl? Will I not get a job because of it?

I don't know what's going to happen in the future. I guess I'll just work ridiculously hard, prove that I'm just as good as my fellow mathematicians will be, regardless of gender. I refuse to let this stop me from being to do anything.

Plan for the future:
(1) Develop a thicker skin to dirty jokes.
(2) Become an intellectual badass.
(3) ???
(4) Profit.

Lessons of the day: Dr. Huggins usually knows what he's talking about. Don't make dirty jokes at work. Being an intellectual badass will get you anywhere in life.

I'm NOT a "pretty girl"

*Warning: this may sound completely ridiculous. But, since it's my blog, I'll ramble about it anyway!*

So, lately, people have been calling me a "pretty girl". And for some reason, that completely gets under my skin. The question, "Are you excited to go to the Science Festival?" should not be answered with the phrase "Of course! I get to go and spend time with a pretty girl. Why wouldn't I be excited?"

I'm not a "pretty girl".

I'm not saying that to be self derogatory. I know, realistically, I'm moderately physically attractive. I ain't no Angelina or Princess Kate, but I'm not hideous either. I'm nicely nestled in that niche of girls who don't make people cringe, yet don't inspire jaw-dropping where ever she goes. That's exactly where I want to be.

I'm saying it because I am so much more than my physical appearance. I'm fairly intelligent, kind, a tad crazy and spontaneous, and generally an overall good person. My personality is what makes me who I am, not what I look like. When people call me a "pretty girl", I feel like they're overlooking the rest of me and just focusing on the fact that I am indeed female. Heck, I dyed my hair to get people to stop looking at my physical appearance and instead have to get to know my personality before they could know who I am.

To me, a pretty girl is someone who dresses in pink, is kind of waif-ish, and has absolutely no substance to her whatsoever. She just kind of flits around, talking about The OC in a high, flute-like voice, and says or does nothing of substance with her life. She's like a ballerina without the sick dance moves, unbelievable skill, or amazing control.

I'm not that kind of girl. I have freaking substance. And if you want to hang out with me, it better be because of that substance, not because of the fact that I'm a girl without any blatant physical abnormalities.

And yes, I realize the people who are calling me "pretty" probably have good intentions. I just really hate the word. That's why I never call someone that; I opt for a "gorgeous" or "beautiful". That way, my compliment encompasses their personality, too. Some people have an absolutely gorgeous personality, and it just shines through into their physical being. I just can't use the word "pretty" to describe someone's personality. It sounds so fluffy and fake to me.

I'm not a fake, nor are many other people I know. So, please, call us beautiful, or gorgeous, or wonderful. At least for me, it means so, so much more.